In my ears                     I Will Follow              Chris Tomlin

Ephesians 4:22-24 Strip yourselves of your former nature which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion; and be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new nature created in God’s image, in true righteousness and holiness. AMP 

As this journey continues sometimes one step at a time, one moment at a time and sometimes even one breath at a time, I have tried to stay on the seen path, the one that is well lit so I can see the dangers with each step that is taken. It seems that with this well trodden path, all laid out,  and well marked with signs along the way that I might have mistaken the familiarity of my surroundings…could I have actually been on this same path before?

During my journey at times, there have been what have seemed to be detours, that lead me into some dark areas, areas that scared me into going back onto the more lit path. The safety of the familiarity ..the safe tree lined that I had walked so many times before, there I was ….SAFE…or so I thought. As I was pondering my situation of late, my growth in trusting God’s love for me (I already knew He loved you, just wasn’t sure about His loving me), and all the blessings that He had planted in me while I was still in my mothers womb. all just waiting for me to claim.. I have prayed many times for clarity on where these trails of this journey is going, only to be seemingly detoured to an unfamiliar unmarked path. Sometimes my struggles remain in a couple of areas, have I not learned?

Then, just as the clouds separate to reveal the suns rays…God spoke to me…This journey this safe path I have been writing about, the path that I try so hard not to deviate from…well this “safe” path is actually been made this way from my own feet…my own mistakes and my own struggles in this life. Each struggle, each step, full out run, and even when crawling was all I could do,  has flatten down more of the terrain. Each year, each day and even each moment of my journey. I know every pothole, every inch of this path…because I made it. …all myself, it is my journey around my mountain…a journey of over 40 years…((which reminds me of others that had walked around a mountain on an eleven day journey that took over 40 years)).

As I read pass entries on this journey, there are places of darkness and some fear…There has been were unmarked trials that at the time was thought to be paths not to be taken. So triumphantly I made it back to “My” trail…Oh my! All those others areas, unmarked by my feet…was me stepping out…maybe getting off the path that goes around and around my mountain….My journey around my mountain is changing. Now that I realize that im going to the promised land, going to be a light in that darkness that scared me so…So bring on the “non path”…I’ve got my shield and sword to cut out the path made for me.

Progress…one step at a time..God has brought me through some things but I have yet to arrive…


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In the earbuds;  Children of God            Third Day

Mark 4:39

King James Version (KJV)

39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

Remember as children, the saying…silence is golden? Ok, for you younger folks, there was this saying. Silence is golden a saying probably made up from some parents wanting a little peace and quiet after a long day or perhaps a school teacher needing a little discipline in her classroom….well whatever the case, this saying has started to be very important to me. As most of you will attest, silence was never my strong suit…I was never one for silence (that was not my anointing), my unsilence was usually just a cry (not literal) to be heard. However, my being heard usually resulted in some wrongs that were to be righted (I know not a word). Righting the wrongs of injustice of the world does come with a cost of some sort….usually my/our peace.

As I mentioned before, in the “ole” days…parents and teachers alike would strive for silence, which in turn would insure peace…awww peace, what parent wouldn’t want that for their child as well as for themselves? As, I have “tried” to become more mature in my walk with God on this journey, He has been instilling this concept of silence and peace, more and more lessons coming my way. Things that would have gotten me all unsettled (which was pretty much everything) have dwindled down at an alarming rate, much to my amazement. There are still a few topics that I will never be silent on..unless the Lord calls me to be.

Throughout the Bible, there are times written that silence was needed…no fighting, no explaining…just peace, which speaks louder than words. In Ecclesiastics 3:7 ….a time to be silent and a time to speak…,. While Jesus was alive there were many silent years… ones of obedience. He kept silent over the sins of others, “go and sin no more”, never chastising just forgiving and loving. Even as He (Christ) was being accused, He kept silent….He kept peace.

Not to say that there isn’t a time to be loud, but we can let God be God, He will let us know when to speak and when to be silent, when we seek Him/His will not ours. When we lose our peace, we lose out power and blessing..the same power that Christ died for us to have.

What has helped me in this area has been, in Mark 4:39 Peace be still…., when Christ called the wind to “be still”….this could/should be a lesson to us. When the winds of change and destruction are about us, Peace Be Still, and the winds will calm and there will be peace about us. I’m going to be in peace, because for me I want to be powerful in the kingdom, not just a big ole wind.


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In the Still of the Night

Tenth Ave North                       By Your Side

Isaiah 40:26    Lift up your eyes on high And see who has created these stars, The One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, Not one of them is missing.  NAS

A few months back, there was to be a shower to hit our atmosphere…no not a shower in which would include soap and a towel….A meteor shower named Geminids, radiating from the constellation Gemini.  I felt the want and excitement to see this event for my self. There had been many other such events, different meteors, but unfortunately the weather had never cooperated. This time was different, the sky was to be clear, cold,  and crisp.  I was determined to experience this shower, recently I had been overcome with…lets just say…Me. I had begun to lose some of my joy and peace over me trying to take care of me.

The night arrived, or morning, lets say….Everyone in this house was asleep, there were no others that were takers of this wonderful experience…non that wanted to brave the elements and bend their necks upwards for long periods of time..(go figure).  As I bundled up in a blanket with slippers donning my freezing tootsies..I headed out, out in to the dark, quiet stillness of my backyard.  My head cocked upward, scanning the night sky because I had no idea in which direction said shower was to happen. As, I was scanning the heavens for..well I don’t even know what I was looking for, a quick wave of vertigo settled over me..”No, not today” I said out loud. Now, back to the scanning…..the heavens, so vast, the constellations were so bright and prominet…Taurus, was lit so brightly, there were stars that were 163 light years away and I was standing there in awe of this. (Thanks iPhone app, skysearch)…wow so close, and yet so far…all lit up by my/our Father…

Suddenly, out of my peripheral vision, I saw the brightest light shoot by, as I moved my eye toward that area…I witnessed the brightest light I have ever seen, it was shooting toward the ground. This light was not like the others, that were high up in the sky overhead….this  light was low and going straight to the ground, a silver light and again so bright…that the written word cannot give justice to the magnitude of  what was being seen. I was filled with a joy, a joy that I have not experienced  for quite some time. As I was thanking God (out loud), He was filling up the night sky with more shooting lights soaring overhead in numbers too great to keep track of.

As, I watched the sky a  stillness and calmness came over me…All of a sudden within me I felt small, not in an insignificant way…. just smaller, like there is something (duh) bigger than me, my circumstances were starting to seen very small…I was not the center of all. God’s creation of the World here and many light years away is greater and I/we are all apart of it….Not the other way around.

That night was an eye opener, a correction, but what a beautiful correction from my Father…I praise God that He loves us enough to show us where and what needs to be looked at and adjusted.  The next time you believe to be drowning in yourself…Go outside and take a look up and scan the night sky…You won’t seem so BIG.


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Who are you?

In my earbuds;   Shane & Shane                 Interlude

Matthews 4:19  Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men”. 20) They immediately left their net and followed Him.

On this journey that we are all on….do you ever find that from day-to-day, you and your attitudes can change? Maybe its just me, but I have found that my attitudes and thoughts and “feelings” are ever-changing. Somedays those differences can really be unnerving for me. As, I was praying about this today, I asked God, “what is wrong with me?”, this writing came in my heart…..

We/I am like the disciples that were picked and followed Jesus, we are made up of all the difference characteristics, both positive and negative of those disciples. These characteristics can and do resonate throughout my daily life. And although, I did not “see” them, they have been with me throughout this whole journey. I have seem triumphs as well as those standing still and crying out times within me.  But like a light bulb being turned on…a light bulb hanging over my head all these many years…going unnoticed until someone pulls the chain, then there is illumination..Well there ya go….light!

Jesus picked those men…all different, from different backgrounds not who people would have thought should be the closest to the Son of God…they had tempers, were doubters, and well least likely to…kinda people, and they were to collectively learn from Christ and spread the message of the “Good News” to all men. Through their triumphs, trials, and tribulations that mirror ours today. They were picked, hand-picked!

There were days, days that I felt like Timothy…young and eager to learn and follow instruction and needing it as well. Some days, well I am like Thomas…doubting what I know to be true, feeling I need to be shown some visual aid to keep my faith alive and for confirmation on what God is saying…then, I am John….the disciple that Jesus loved. Being confident in Christ’s love, knowing that if I was the only person on earth, that God would have still sent His son to die for me. Next minute, I am Peter…being shown and experiencing for myself God’s supernatural power from stepping out of the boat, my eyes clearly on Jesus…making my way to Him, until something in my natural takes the  focus off Christ, on to myself/power or just to the circumstances surrounding me, for only a split second…and well then I get all wet. (Thank God, His loving arms are always stretched out to get me from the deep).

With all these different disciples characteristics showing up in me, throughout this journey, God has shown me that Jesus picked me, as He picked them..all in love to be the light of the world..a fisher of men/women! We are all picked special.


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Just a little something different……different is good sometimes

In the earbuds;    Proof of Your Love      Crave

As I was doing some studying on the gifts of the spirit, God had reminded me that I have been given a gift, and that right now He is doing a little pruning to get me where He wants me to be…to be able to share my gift, and I am good with this. Many are called to use their gift, but do not have the character to stay there. I want to be able to use that which God has given to me to their fullest, so I am in the holding pattern…and it is best!


Writing my truths has been the gift that God has given to me (one of them), this gift, I did not even know I had till a few years ago.  As, I sat looking at the blank paper today…I had been looking at the page for days now, kinda in a fog state..not really “feeling” anything to write about (now)..I felt myself get a little ADDish, so I got out my music it seems to always open me up for writing. I had found my old Ipod shuffle one from over 5 years ago. It still had battery power, so I attached some earbuds and started listening to the tunes I had put on it many many moons ago. As I listened to the variety of music, slow, fast and some really odd choices I was amazed and calmed as well. How, although I had changed a lot in these years, these song choices still amazed me with how much I enjoy them and how they speak to me.

So, I had an idea…(watch out folks ) I was going to take the first sentence of each song that came on, in no particular order, (cause on the old ipod shuffles you cannot tell anyway what is going to play next) write them down and see how it all comes out. Here goes…….

I need to find you, In this communion

Breath with no air, Holy Holy Holy

Come to me, Peace be still

Whenever I call you friend, Closed up from love

Smooth talkin, slow talkin

He’s got something special, You’re the only one I need

One way Jesus your the only I can live for

I’ve been waiting for my dreams to turn into something

This is the time of my life

God alone put the world into motion, It’s gonna be alright

All the single ladies (don’t judge), Everyone needs compassion

Let mercy fall on me

Worthy is the lamb that is slain

I hear the men say something, How long, How long

Together everyone, 

Every time I think I’m closer to the heart.

That’s it folks! my playlist from years ago…all put into a form that says it all.

 This journey that we are all on, some are further ahead than others, but we are all together in this. God had a plan for all of us to work together, that’s why we are all gifted in different ways…so that we need each other.


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Happy Birthday Jesus

Merry Christmas

So much to write about today! So many changes….some of thanksgiving and some of pain and sorrow…But today, I will limit myself with the thoughts of what today really is about…the remembrance of the greatest gift ever given to anyone.

As I look down, under the skirt of the brightly lit Christmas tree…there are many gifts, gifts that are small, big, expensive and even some that were not so pricey in dollar terms however, in other terms priceless. Never the less with all these gifts not one could now or ever compare two the gift that God gave me (us), His children..a gift that was the biggest gift,  ever however found in the smallness of statue…an infant. A gift that ultimatly cost everything, this gift…so humbley brought into this world was given with more love…than I believe we mere mortals are able to grasp…the depth of love, love so perfect that it casts out fear. This love so unconditional nothing could separate you from it, or the Father. This love that is protective, warm and more inviting than any other invitation, without strings…well just one string. Me/you.. our whole heart. This love will be for anyone, short, fat, skinny, young or old………. just come as you are.

This love is ready to hold you and keep you…Its God, made flesh for us, in the form of a small child, a man…born to a virgin…A Savior, Christ the Lord.

Merry Christmas

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Light Bulb Moment {s}

In earbuds…  Something Beautiful            The Outsiders

Romans 7:15  For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.                 (So glad Paul understood)

After knowing God, knowing of God and being personally, intimately involved with God…for years and years…insights, personal touches and yes even miracles!…..Only God.   The lightbulb is again shinning bright, my heart is being healed…it is all making sense. After a very long look at the mirror of me, the inside me…the me that no one but God knows, the Son is shinning on the scary fear that I have felt on a daily basis and some fear that lays dormant (that I didn’t see or really didn’t want to see). SOmetimes pretending is better, or just easier to deal with “stuff”. (You all understand, right?) One thing I do know for sure is that until you look at your dark scary truth or fear, you cannot possibly allow God to light that little dark area. Once that it is lit, there is nothing left to fear.

After trying so hard (myself) to overcome some form of fear or anxiety or just letting my physical body rule me..Which at times, I would have victory…it would just come back another way, another thing to worry about, to stress about…always taking another form…(I always thought it was so weird) Then the battle would again begin, and of course “with my help, God won” haha! I never really understood why, it seems although the circumstances would be a little different the underlining cause (which I thought was fear) would show itself in another form…only to defeat again (rinse and repeat)..

And as my journey continues, my lightbulb (God’s light) showed me that it really isn’t “fear” in itself..I was just scared/afraid that I was not important enough for God to drop everything,…Hello, there are so many people worse off, so many problems etc…, and help me. (Ok, logically that does not hold water, but this is so not logical). I just needed to trust that He loves me, and that He would drop anything for me. I had to rely on the fact that He has it all under control, that I can let go of my control and it would be ok..No one would hurt me! I am not a bother… Besides, I know that He is in control anyway…but He will not fight me for the control when I take it back from Him..He is a gentleman He will let me have it.. YIKES, and we all know how that can turn out…  Let go…I must Let go…I must let go… ((telling myself that everyday))

*sidenote:  I was interrupted days ago, while writing this. I felt that I should finish it no matter what but I didnt..I let the interruption come and my writing stopped. For days I have felt uneasy about leaving this at the time that I did. I believe that by not listening to what I will call the urging of the Holy Spirit to continue (besides, it’s because of Him that I even can write this anyway), there might have been something else to be lit in the “lightbulb” moment. I also found, that whenever I write in regard to facing me in the mirror and the deepest parts of my inner most self, the evil one doesn’t care for that. He doesn’t want me to let go…because that is when some of my biggest walks have occurred. But ya know…”bring it” Never give up, Never surrender!

Well not getting back to the journey at hand..I will continue, as I pray you all do, always moving forward (even if it is baby steps, just don’t stop completely), giving up is never an option. We are all giving a great plan, and plan to prosper us we just need to stay the course, picking up our “crosses” daily, yes daily…And honestly the only way we can do this is with Christ! Step by Step…

So the journey continues………………………


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What a difference a month makes…….

In the earbuds;   What Faith Can Do                     Kutless

Joshua 1:9    Have I not commanded you? Be strong, and vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Boy, what a journey!  It’s been a while, a month since my last post…I have found that during my “goings through”, I tend to lock myself away,  longing for the separation from the world (well as much as I can with a family and such), and  needing to hang onto God for dear life, to get my baring again.

Walking on this bumpy path….with God holding the lamp at my feet so I may see my way, through the twists and turns.. tends to make my flesh want to grab that lamp from God’s hands so I can hold it myself. And you can guess how that is working for me (NOT), and by holding the lamp myself, I tend to of course, get lost. As I stand there, lost and I got to admit a little scared, panic can quickly start to creep in. This panic/fear with its creeping in can cause pure torment.. which is never a good thing. This is where, even the smallest sound in the darkness can be more menacing then it actually it…where you stand there sometimes in almost a paralysed state, holding your breath praying that this “feeling” passes…and at the point where you believe, its well curtains ( I know a little dramatic, used only for effect).. then out of the darkness, you feel a warm hand reaching and trying to grab yours, you miss it a little at first…but you know you want that help so bad…that you reach again, and there you feel it, that warm strong hand holding yours..assuring you, you again are safe and loved…and not lost after all. Peace envelopes me and my path is lit again, even brighter than before.

During this month, I have leaned on the light of  His guidance…and I have also grabbed the lamp for myself, thinking I knew best…only to learn just the opposite. As this month goes into the next and the “problem” still seems the same or at times worse…I am learning to hold His hand and let Him guide me in the light of His lamp. This journey is of course still a forward movement, even when it hurts, but that is what the journey is to be. Ever learning to rely totally on the one who made me, letting go of me and trusting Him. As, much as I would love to say, “I have mastered this area of my journey”, I have not. But I have mastered the run back to Him, quite well. I have mastered the fact it doesn’t take much time to recognize what I am doing and let go. So progress is being made…and as my large road of the journey gets smaller, where a few have traveled I am thankful for my lessons, and for my teacher.

Months ago, as I was walking calmly on the path and the air was calm and sweet and I was peaceful and restful and very thankful for the respite…I had asked God to grow me more, to teach me to trust Him…because I knew if I ever wanted to get to the place I am being called to be and anointed to be..I had to trust Him, trust Him completely with me. This is where I am now with Him. Although, this seems to be hard and uncomfortable, it is a little easier than the last “trusting” seminar I attended, which is a great thing. So as I keep going, keep walking and keeping my hands off the lamp of the guide, I can give you a little advice…unless you really want to grow, really want the call on your life to be fulfilled, be careful what you ask for…God may grant you, your desires.

Never give up, never surrender….



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In the earbuds;   I Dare You To Move           Switchfoot

Psalm 46:1   God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

As Toni’s Peak once again starts to appear to change in size (it had started as an incredible peak with altitudes that  would seemingly suck the air from my chest as I tried to climb to the top), with again forward movement…it reminds me that with each trek through this journey that as soon as I relinquish control, this trek toward the Peak becomes quicker and easeir…instead of caring my pack full of “stuff” and wearing of the full gear, I can leave my pack and follow my guide to where I am to be.

As I look back on past entries, it appears that this area of my life…well lets just say the majority of my journey has been focused on this main theme…CONTROL. Control, which is a real close (like West Virginia close)cousin to trust..has been the core of my discontent, or something like that. This control issue/trust issue was brought over from my youth, like a pair of dirty socks that was forgotten in the  suitcase from the last trip…only to find the stink when you reopen the suitcase for your next trip…then ya add more dirty clothes,..then forget to empty the dirty clothes…repeat, till you have a very large stinking bag that is hauled around with you everywhere..just stinkin the place up. With these trips, these journeys and treks, I am learning to take out all stinky socks, I am learning to leave the nasty stinky suitcase does make the trip so much sweeter smellin.

 With every journey…some which are hard, some dangerous, and others just plain scarey..there are some as well that can be refreshing, peaceful and calm..there is progress. I am not where I want to be, but thank God (literally) I am not where I was. As we all continue on our way, we must remember that God is always with us, He guides us and equips us for our journey. Which ultimately leads to Him! Can I get an AMEN?



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Landmines…..Be Careful

In the earbuds;               I Lift My Hands               Chris Tomlin

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they (you, I) might have life, and that they (you, I) might have it more abundantly.

As this journey continues…you must remember that there is an enemy out there, and that this enemy tries to trip you (me) up. I use the word “tries” because he will always try, but he will not and cannot succeed (when we are saved ).

There has in the last few months, great ground cover…I have been making some forward progress…just pressing in and on and taking one step then another. Some incredible, miraculous battles have been won, some insights seen and trust is being instilled me within at a very deep level. While all this movement is happening, I had gotten in a momentum a good quick pace and before you know it….as I was moving along…there was some traps being laid by the enemy. These traps, can be hidden ones, under the cool crisp grass, or in the beautiful field of tall flowers and grass….these traps, can trip you up a bit…or blow you to bits, that is your choice.

In the last couple of months the path has been clearer, yes still rugged but a clear path, a more lit area was proving to be very beneficial with growth and understanding. This forward movement, surely aggravates the enemy…as long as we stay still he has no problem with us, but growing that is another story. Well in my growth and the momentum of the walk well, I had forgotten to be aware as well… and well, I stepped on a little “land mine”. Not a big one, just one to leave me a little unfocused, a little shaken but this was very temporary.  As the dust cleared..I am still standing. The enemy is not bright, he knows he cannot have me…but still the effort. He roams around seeking and trying to devour who he can get to…anyone with some forward movement…kingdom building…marriage thriving..he get nervous and so I guess he needs to “try”.

My journey motto has always been…Never give up, Never surrender!! Keep going!  With every “try” of the enemy I grow stronger in my trust and stronger in my walk with my Saviour. So, as I get my forward motion again going…I will/need to remember that I need to be deligent…and never give up. That when I go through these little attempts along the way to run me off my path, my Saviour, has equipped me to come out, and come out stronger than when I went in. I have been promised that I will never be left alone, that he will never let anything to get near me that will not ultimately be for my good. Because He is not only my guide, He is my Saviour, ABBA, my Dad!


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