What a difference a month makes…….

In the earbuds;   What Faith Can Do                     Kutless

Joshua 1:9    Have I not commanded you? Be strong, and vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Boy, what a journey!  It’s been a while, a month since my last post…I have found that during my “goings through”, I tend to lock myself away,  longing for the separation from the world (well as much as I can with a family and such), and  needing to hang onto God for dear life, to get my baring again.

Walking on this bumpy path….with God holding the lamp at my feet so I may see my way, through the twists and turns.. tends to make my flesh want to grab that lamp from God’s hands so I can hold it myself. And you can guess how that is working for me (NOT), and by holding the lamp myself, I tend to of course, get lost. As I stand there, lost and I got to admit a little scared, panic can quickly start to creep in. This panic/fear with its creeping in can cause pure torment.. which is never a good thing. This is where, even the smallest sound in the darkness can be more menacing then it actually it…where you stand there sometimes in almost a paralysed state, holding your breath praying that this “feeling” passes…and at the point where you believe, its well curtains ( I know a little dramatic, used only for effect).. then out of the darkness, you feel a warm hand reaching and trying to grab yours, you miss it a little at first…but you know you want that help so bad…that you reach again, and there you feel it, that warm strong hand holding yours..assuring you, you again are safe and loved…and not lost after all. Peace envelopes me and my path is lit again, even brighter than before.

During this month, I have leaned on the light of  His guidance…and I have also grabbed the lamp for myself, thinking I knew best…only to learn just the opposite. As this month goes into the next and the “problem” still seems the same or at times worse…I am learning to hold His hand and let Him guide me in the light of His lamp. This journey is of course still a forward movement, even when it hurts, but that is what the journey is to be. Ever learning to rely totally on the one who made me, letting go of me and trusting Him. As, much as I would love to say, “I have mastered this area of my journey”, I have not. But I have mastered the run back to Him, quite well. I have mastered the fact it doesn’t take much time to recognize what I am doing and let go. So progress is being made…and as my large road of the journey gets smaller, where a few have traveled I am thankful for my lessons, and for my teacher.

Months ago, as I was walking calmly on the path and the air was calm and sweet and I was peaceful and restful and very thankful for the respite…I had asked God to grow me more, to teach me to trust Him…because I knew if I ever wanted to get to the place I am being called to be and anointed to be..I had to trust Him, trust Him completely with me. This is where I am now with Him. Although, this seems to be hard and uncomfortable, it is a little easier than the last “trusting” seminar I attended, which is a great thing. So as I keep going, keep walking and keeping my hands off the lamp of the guide, I can give you a little advice…unless you really want to grow, really want the call on your life to be fulfilled, be careful what you ask for…God may grant you, your desires.

Never give up, never surrender….

ME

 

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About On the Vine

A child of the Most High, just on my journey with Him. Thoughts and observations from just me to you.
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