in the earbuds; Shane & Shane YEARN
Scripture; James 1:2-5
So much to write…..My little ADD head has so much jumbling around with thoughts, revelations, excitement…., I will just calm my spirit.
Some of you know I have been in somewhat a trial state as of late. There are so many things I have learned at this juncture of my road;
What I thought I had wanted, well maybe not what is to be.
What I thought my mountain was, that have been trekking over all this time is NOT what it appeared to be.
I guess it is a good thing I am learning this, I have been looking into me deeper, looking at the reflection that looks back at me in the mirror, cutting deep in my soul, almost like a spiritual autopsy (ugh). I did not want to face some of these things that I was staring at, it had been so much easier to take the boat down the De-nile….I am really good at pretending things do not exist. For example, grandma is not dead, she just lives too far to visit. (Hey I have to be Toni, and interject some humor). I always knew that I did not want to “think” about this stuff, let alone talk about it. I mean, really, what kind of Christian would I be to have this stuff in me? Am I the only Christian with this feeling of doubt, and reasoning…? Don’t get me wrong, I believe that there are so many parts/areas of my walk, and there are things that I cannot be moved in, no doubt, no way! I guess that, that was why I was questioning me so much (kinda beating myself up)…How can I know, that I know in one are and be in doubt in another…? Have you ever asked yourself that same question?
I am learning that there were even Jesus’s own disciplines that doubted, that reasoned, that lived by their emotions. And I also know from scripture that Jesus used them in mighty ways. I have learned that Trust, is something to work on….by getting to know God more and more at my mountain I am learning trust. Absolute surrender is the only answer, I know I cannot run my own life…(boy do I know that).
Matthew 6, is real. Take a minute to look outside and notice the birds everyday, they have food for their day, they are taken care of by our Lord…Do you think that you are not greater than the birds of the air?