Phillipians 1:6 I am confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Song in my ear: I am ready for you (Kuttless)
As you all know, well maybe you all know, I’ve been writing on this blog…yea, this one, for a while now. Years ago I started journaling (30 years ago) not daily at first, it used to be just a journal of pain (that’s what I called it) when I was not walking with God, although I knew Him I chose to walk my own path (how did that work for me? hence the name journal of pain… ugh). But the great thing was…He didnt need me to walk with Him, He was always walking with me and I knew it.
Then after I recovered from my children (being very young), which tended to suck the creativity out of me….I started blogging about them, their perceptions of life. Funny stuff, should check it out www.crazedmomofteens.blogspot.com. (shameless plug). Then it seemed that they were not doing funny things anymore…hahaha. After some time, God put in my heart to write, for others to read, what I was thinking about, the deep stuff that I kept journaling about daily, my heartsong, my inner self. He reminded me that I had another side that I needed to let others see, the one I do not share, not just with you all but anyone for that matter…I have always had a time with getting/letting others get close, real close to me. Maybe the lack of confidence, maybe because my life to this point I was the “funny one” the “irresponsible one”, the one less likely to….I was the one to get a whole operating room in stitches (hahaha), before putting me completely out for a procedure….I digressed. I knew that there was more to me, that God has always had a Word for me but in the early years well…girl just wanted to have “fun” haha. But who would want to read what I had to say? who would want to know that side?, the side that had something to say? something to share? maybe even something to teach? Those are the lies that were whispered to me…satan has a way of putting, a little doubt that will grow. But, thank God (really), I had enough of those lies, so hence, this blog. A place I can write from my heart, and I believe the ones directed by God are the ones on the blog.
So, all that to preface this story….You all know have a window into the “real” me. But, hey…dont be delusional, I am still funny and will still cause an operating room to fall on the floor when the time is right…hahah.
This whole entry came to light last night……, I rarely share my entries with my family,…but last night I wanted to share the “Happy Meal” entry with my husband, and after many interruptions from various offspring, I finally read it to Patrick, as I was waiting for his response….still waiting….I finally asked, “what did you think?”, he said…”man that was deep”. Hummmm, that’s what he said the last time I read one of my entries to him. Deep? what does that mean? good/bad?…so I, this time probed for a more specific comment. Now I trust him with his opinion, you see, He is a “reader”, he reads a lot of thick books. This author tends to read a lot of articles/or books with pictures., Back to the probing question…my husband, looking around the very large lamp that blocks our view of each other while sitting in our “ole people” recliners, looking at me, said that it was deep, again with the deep….then preceded to say that it was like, it sounded like something a preacher would teach about…(is that good or not?). He had a look in his eye, something I had not seen before, I couldn’t tell if it was that he was surprised of the depth of the writing, or that there was something in me he hadn’t realized before….but whatever it was, I found it very comforting, and loving…
So I guess its DEEP in these blog entries….. Nough said.
Well there you have it, kinda of, a glimpse of me. The deeper me, the other dimension of me. I am thankful, that we (His children) are made up of many dimensions. We all have many thing about us that we share and some things we don’t share, either because we scared or not confident in that other part of us. But, I would challenge you, be all that you are ment to be. Funny, deep, thoughtful, odd, different….God isnt surprised He made you, all your dimensions. I write to share now parts of me that maybe someone can relate to, understand and maybe not feel like the only one. So there it is…more of me, to you!