I have to trust!, yep, I said it. I know that is where some fear of mine is rooted. As much as I know that this is not a good thing, I so need to let go of control, I need to get my mind, soul and spirit on the same page…It is only with God’s help that this alignment within me will happen.
This whole growth part of me, reminds me of the activity of “bungee jumping”. The whole standing on the ledge and relying totally on a piece of cord that will hold you, is quite a letting go experience. I need to jump off this ledge of ” I need control” and give God the job of the Bungee. God is my bungee Cord~ but He cannot do His part till I take that step of TRUST! And I must know that he will not let me hit the jagged rock of life that lies below this ledge. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time that I would not even walk up to the path that lead to the ledge, let alone go to the ledge itself. But in this journey that I am and have been with God and His Love for me, I have taken the path, I am at the ledge….The bungie apparatus has been securely attached and I have acknowledged the price that has been paid for the insurance (assurance) that I will not hit the jagged world below….total surrender will have to be achieved to experience this extreme adventure to its fullest with God and this life here.
I’m ready!!!…..I’m scared, my heart is pounding, my mind is giving me excuses, BUT,….I can do this, it’s a leap. I just want to run and fling myself off, letting the bungee secure my safety…but alas, I am finding that I am still on the journey to the edge,…still timidly walking ever so carefully till my toes are hanging off the edge…I am not afraid!..but not yet experiencing total…total surrender. But my journey is still in progress.., I am not wanting to gently walk off this ledge….I want to boldly full on run to get the full effect with God, that is my prayer…..this is my journey….An “A” ticket ride….weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Psalm 56:3-4, Proverbs 29:25